just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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