I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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