1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
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Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
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She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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