last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
