i don't plan on having that self control this summer
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
