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So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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