Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
