I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
