I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize