three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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