ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
