At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
