my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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