is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
ok first of all what the fuck
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
