The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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