I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So squirting runs in the family.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
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