hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I love you.
Bad choice
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
