The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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