There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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