You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
