Me too!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
this just has baby written all over it
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
