Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
