My friends, they love my intelligence
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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