so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
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Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
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Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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