I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Semen is not good for contacts.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
