don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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