final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
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