She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
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Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
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I hugged the bouncer as we left.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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