He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
