I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
