I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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