Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
