Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
