he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
