he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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