just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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