I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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