Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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