she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
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The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
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i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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