You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Someone signed my nipple.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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