i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
