It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
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At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
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He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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