what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
