i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
either way he was missing a nipple.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
