you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
