I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
