that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
