I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
