I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
