just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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