I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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