heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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