I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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