god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
