If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
