Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
