fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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