I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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