Heybabeimwearingurpanties
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i out mim tonsoeep
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