I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
