You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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