you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
