Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
