P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
