In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
